Tami Hagglund

Hi. My name is Tami. My story is, currently, one brimming with conviction of sin. My introductory post may seem to be just that — full of my sin, how wretched I am, how desperately I need Jesus. Praise God, because the more I see how much of a mess I am the more I’m amazed at the work of the cross: that while I was still weak, still a sinner–God’s enemy–Jesus died for me, in my place, taking all of the punishment and shame of both the sin I commit and that committed against me.

The gospel is not about how “together” I can be, purportedly for God’s glory. Rather, in my continuing weakness, the Gospel comes to life as I rely on Jesus — my sin- and death- conquering Hero, my Champion with His name tattooed on His thigh and eyes of fire. Praise Jesus that my story is not one merely of sin — it’s one of repentance, learning what it is to run to my Strong Tower and find refuge in Him! He’s changing me, putting my sin to death! Praise God that my story is a part of His story!

Jesus miraculously burst into my life and put His Holy Spirit into me 11 years ago. I spent over 10 years certain that I was a mature Christian. However, a multitude of sins rooted in pride, unbelief, and love of comfort and pleasure shone far more clearly through my life than did love for Jesus. In January of this year I went through a Redemption Group and my Father lovingly began to reveal to me how little I understood or lived the Gospel.

These last ten months have been filled with consistent revelation of sin, much repentance, and a lot of heart anguish due to the death wrought by my sin. I have been confronted boldly about sin; I wrestled with God over pursuing weight loss surgery; and now I am dealing with the sins that led to my obesity. Other sins include lack of submission to my husband; control; failure to steward finances, time, and talent; and my sinful response to my past history of sexual, emotional, physical, verbal, and spiritual abuse and sexual sin I committed.

Though I’ve been a Christian for over a decade, I feel like a baby. I thought this was the Gospel: Jesus died for me, saved me, and now I better be like Him. My sin discouraged and threatened me because I thought it showed that I must not really love Jesus because I wasn’t reflecting Him very well. Jesus is showing me that is not the Gospel. Rather, in God’s providence, He planned that Jesus would die once on the cross and rise once from the dead as the propitiation — taking my punishment in my place — for my sins. From there, I need continual expiation — consistent cleansing from the effects of sins I commit and sins committed against me, both pre- and post-salvation. My sin need not threaten me; rather, it is meant to remind me of my need to rely on the Holy Spirit for conviction and repentance. This allows me to be restored to the Father who loves me so much that He allowed my sin to nail Jesus to the cross so that He could have relationship with me.

This is the Gospel, and, praise God, I am learning to live it. I pray that my involvement in writing for this blog exhorts you to do the same. Last week I celebrated my 28th birthday, and I pray that when I turn 29 I can look back and see a year of living and believing the real Gospel. Will you join me?

Tami and her husband celebrated their second anniversary in September and look forward to celebrating two years at Mars Hill at the end of November. She is currently an apprentice in the Redemption Group ministry and she and her husband host their Community Group on Tuesday nights. You can read more about what Jesus is doing in her life in her personal blog, Steadfast Love.